Reality

Okay, so I admit it; I love reality shows! American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Survivor, and Amazing Race. What else is on TV that is decent to watch? I heard on the news the other day that there is a lady that watches 20 reality shows. So watching four isn't so bad.

Reality hit me hard today and it wasn't a TV show. I ordered Roger's stone a few weeks ago and they put it in the other day so I went today to his grave. There it was; Roger G. Counihan 1949-2008. I knew he was buried in the box I had bought for his ashes but seeing his name in stone made it all so real. My name is next to his with an open ended year but that didn't bother me as much as seeing my sweet guy's name there. I wonder if that is how someone made up the saying written in stone. Maybe there was a death of a loved one in that person's life and reality hit when that name was set in stone. I was just thinking that when Jesus died on the cross and his friends put him into a tomb they could have carved His name in the stone but they didn't because there was no reason to; His death was not final. He rose again. Roger's death is final for earth but he will also rise again when the Lord comes back. That gives me God goose bumps!

Planning my Life

I had a wonderful time up north spending the long weekend with my brother and his wife. It was so relaxing and just what I needed to do. One more weekend gone and more to come. I have been sitting here thinking what might lay in front of me. Already things are changing. These last few weeks have seen some replacing; Kitchen door knob, leaf blower, printer, my car is making funny sounds (hopefully not replacing). These are the hard things to handle without Roger. Most of these I would have taken care of myself anyway but it sure makes a difference not to have someone to talk to about them. I do believe that Satan knows my weakness at this time in my life so he probably figures discouragement would be a good one to send my way but he is not as smart as he thinks he is. The Lord says in Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you." I know discouragement is not in God's plans for me. Relying on Him is what I will do. This changed life is hard enough to do without adding discouragement to the list. God's Word further says, " Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." So I will have a future filled with hope. I need to keep my focus on Him and wait for His timing for my new life.

This Is The Day The Lord Has Made

What a beautiful day that the Lord has given us today. It was a good day. Last night I was with Jason and Carolyn at their house to have dinner and watch the finale of American Idol. I know Jason would have rather watched the Twins baseball game but he stayed with us and suffered thru the finale. I spent the night there and then left this morning to get back to Woodbury to have brunch and reconnect with a friend. God has been so good. He has brought people back into my life and I am truly blessed for that. My friend gave me a beautiful book, The Gift of a Memory. The book is descibed as a book created to be a welcome friend for life's emotional journey of loss, this keepsake offers sensitive compassion, hope and comfort. That is putting it mildly. The book said everything I am feeling and thinking with Roger's passing. In 2 Corinthians 1:3 it states that God is our Father of compassion and comfort. Isn't it wonderful how He uses friends and books for that comfort.

Seize the Day

The other morning I was sitting spending time with the Lord doing my devotions. The devotion I was reading was entitled, "Seize the Day." That title spoke to me in ways that it would never have before my journey. November 1, 2007 was like any other day. A day of all is well with the world. Roger and I were together; probably taking each other and life for granted. Life was good so why think about what might be. We just enjoyed being together and thanking the Lord for all the blessings he had given us. Then a few weeks later, life changed in ways we never expected. Life would never be the same as we had known it. A verse in the Bible says, "You do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." Seize each day. Seize each opportunity the Lord gives you each day. If He is calling you to walk a closer walk with Him, SEIZE it; if it is healing a broken relationship, SEIZE it. Whatever He is telling you to do, SEIZE it. Don't wait for another day, SEIZE it Today. In my devtional it said, to plan as though you will be living for a century; live as though you will be leaving today.

Another Friday Night

Okay, so I am sitting here on a Friday night eating my left over chichen salad sandwich for dinner, watching American Gladiator and blogging and how joyous am I? I am joyously thankful! The left over chichen salad sandwich is from a luncheon I had this week with two wonderful friends from my church. Hey, at least I have a TV to watch and a laptop to do my blogging which is my therapy session. I spent today with my best friend; she went with me to pick out granite countertops. I have decided that Roger would really want me to have a new stove (which we did talk about but never got to doing), a new sink and faucet to go with the new granite countertops (which we did talk about and Roger was not thrilled with that idea). I am using the money from the sale of the SUV and I do know that Roger would be okay with it now. I know he would want me to have something to enjoy and look forward to. I am so thankful to the Lord for each day that He blesses me with; I thank Him for all that He helps me with. He seems to always send who and what I need at the right time. Isn't God good? Okay, now I am going to do something wild tonight; I am going to use my hot tub. Praise be to the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. II Corinthians 1:3

A Day of Memories and Decisions

Yesterday was a start of an emotional and frustrating couple of days for me. Yesterday I went to order Roger's stone for his grave. Seeing his name written down in stone made it seem so real which of course it is and I know that. I guess visually seeing it makes it real. Then, I sold Roger's SUV and watched that leave last night. I do thank the Lord for providing a buyer that Roger and I know. The Lord made the sale so easy and quick. So in the mist of sadness, gratefulness abounds. 3M stock option was with E-Trade but then 3M switched over to Fidelity; the problem is thru E-Trade Roger had me on the account as joint but when it was switched over to Fidelity I was no longer on the account so now I have to go thru hoops to get myself on the account as beneficary. Of course, this all happened when Roger had gotten to the point that he could do nothing to fix that. Then I look at this and praise the Lord that I have stock to have that problem with. All of this just reminds me of how much I miss Roger and how wonderfully he took care of me. I am so thankful that the Lord will always be my sufficiency and He will help me thru the bad days. I just have to remember to ask Him and not try to do it by myself. So these probably weren't joyous jottings but I thank you for letting me bare my heart to you.

Mother's Day

For all you mother's that will read this, I wish you a blessed day. "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her" Proverbs 31:28. A blessed day that will be filled with God's love, a blessed day that is not dependent on if you are spending it with your children or not. Even if you can't be with your children on Mother's Day, you will be in their thoughts and their hearts. You are a mother every day not just on that one day. I know with my children, I am loved and special to them every day. I won't be able to spend the day with my kids but that is okay because I know I have their love every day of the week. Tomorrow will be another first for me; first Mother's Day without Roger. I always told Roger that he didn't have to get me a gift because I was not his mother but he always gave me a beautiful card thanking me for being the mother of his children. Tomorrow morning that card won't be waiting for me on the kitchen table. I won't hear, "Happy Mother's Day" from the father of my children. There are so many firsts in my life now. More than I ever thought possible. I guess that shows that life does go on and the healing starts to begin; slowly at first but probably will pick up speed as the months and years go by. I thank the Lord for the wonderful memories I will always have of Roger; those memories will always be mine and those memories will always keep Roger alive in my heart. When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. I can't take credit for that saying but it is so true. The memory of Roger is my treasure.

Home From Sturgeon Bay

I left David and Carrie's this morning and got home around 2:30. It felt so strange that I didn't have to call Roger at work to let him know I got home or to have my cell phone ring while I was driving and hear him say, " Hi, Sweetie." It is nice to be back in our home but I do miss David, Carrie and my grandpuppies. It was a wonderful visit. Jason and Carolyn are coming on Friday night for a sleep over. How blessed am I? God called Roger home but He gave me wonderful children to help me thru my journey. Thank you for your entries that encourage me and help me walk this walk; not alone, never alone. Jesus is walking with me.

Our Anniversary Day

Can you believe that I am blogging. Something I knew nothing about until a few weeks ago when I was talked into this.


Today is May 6 my anniversary of 36 years with my wonderful husband. I still feel him with me so I still consider this our anniversary. We are celebrating it in different places, in different ways and probably celebrating for different reasons. I know Roger is celebrating being with the Lord. I am celebrating 36 wonderful years that I was blessed with Roger. Last week, I was cleaning out my desk and I found an anniversary card that I had forgotten about. It had such beautiful words that I bought it last year to give Roger on our anniversary. I sat holding it wondering what I should do with the card. Throwing it was not an option. I decided that on our anniversary I would write a love letter to Roger telling him of my weeks without him and how much I miss him. I put the letter in the card and sealed it. I taped it to the back of the beautiful picture Roger and taken of our hands with the scripture verse of Philipians 4:4-7. Roger had the picture taken with the thought that he would give it to me on our anniversary but he knew he would not be here so he gave it to me early. The letter will be there until the Lord calls me home and our children will be able to read it. Thru the tears when I wrote the letter, peace came over me and I know that the Lord granted my one request; I asked the Lord to tell Roger that I love him so very much. My first anniversary without Roger was sad but also joyous. I had a wonderful marriage and life with a man that God made for me; how could I be sad. I had to thank the Lord for a marriage that lasted 35 tremendous years. I would have loved to have more time with him but it could have been 34 years instead so I was blessed with 35. I am with David and Carrie in Sturgeon Bay and with my grandpuppies. How blessed I am to have them here and have Jason and Carolyn back home waiting for my return. God has been and will always be so good to me; I praise and thank Him every day for the wonderful things He has done! Thanks for going with me on MY new journey. Is it joyous? How can it not be when the Lord is the center of it.

Teaching Joyce how to blog

This is Carrie here, Joyce's daughter, and I am teaching her how to blog so those of us who are missing her daily writings can hopefully hear from her on this blog once in awhile.