Joyce’s Joyous Jottings

Caring Bridge

2008-12-30T12:50:00.001-08:00

Thought I would let those of you who read my blog know that I now have a Caring Bridge website if you have not already been notified and would like to read it. The site is www.caringbridge.org/visit/joycecounihan. The site password is pray4joycie. You will be asked to register only once with your e-mail unless you have previously registered. So for now I will no longer be blogging but doing the Caring Bridge instead.

MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR

2008-12-27T10:55:00.000-08:00

What a beautiful Christmas I had! You might be wondering how I can say that when Roger wasn't with me. Oh, you would be wrong. He was with me. He was with me thru our boys. He will always be with me thru them. They are so special to me and I know he loved them dearly. How proud he would be of them this Christmas season. They made me feel loved and special and so did my girls. We decided to be brave and watch some past Christmas'. That was good; I didn't want Roger not to be part of our time together on Christmas Eve. It was hard seeing him and hearing his voice singing all of the Christmas songs he loved. It reminded me that he is still singing but in a bigger and better way; face to face with Jesus. What a choir he must be in. I can just hear him singing with the gusto he always had when he sang to the Lord.

Christmas day we went our separate ways but I was still being taken care of. I went with my brother, Marlin and sister-in-law, Wilma to their lake home and spent the night with my wonderful family. My sweet niece, Barb and her husband, Blaine brought me back to the cities with them. They spoil me and I have to admit I love it; that helps the loss.

I took my third and last pill today. A total of 1700mg today. God has been answering prayers greatly. Barb prayed for me this morning before I took my pill and I am feeling great so far. Yesterday at the lake, my great niece, Breanne, prayed for me before taking the other pills and I felt great all day. Before having this lung infection, I didn't seem to ask people to pray for me as much as I do now. Could that be one of the reasons that I am going thru this; humbling me to ask for prayer? I know I have many people praying for me; I am sure the circuits are busy to the Lord. Now we have to remember not only to ask but to praise Him before anything else.

God IS With Us!

2008-12-21T09:39:00.000-08:00

Do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

These are from the book of Isaiah and they are my lifeline. I pray them every morning. He has answered my prayers. My fear is gone and He is healing me; emotionally, physically and most of all spiritually. The mornings I spend on my knees with Him is amazing.

I have wondered what the purpose is for me this year. The death of Roger, the hard grieving, my health diagnosis and the wide range of emotions I have been going thru has made me question what I need to do with all of this in my journey.

I wasn't able to go to church today because I was snowed in and oh, how I miss it. I went on my church website to listen to the December 14 message on audio. I found out why I am going thru this valley. I had just spoken with Pastor John a few days before the message of the 14th telling him of my health issues and God used this message of a week ago to show me His Plan. It has encouraged me to move forward with God's mercy and grace and to touch people for Him that I never thought I could. I would love for you to listen to the message on the audio link www.hopechurchoakdale.com. It only takes about 30 minutes and I think you will be truly blessed and encouraged thru any valley's you might be going thru and will be in the future. I know after you listen to Pastor John's message you will see why the Lord brought Roger and myself to this church for such a time as this.

The Healing Prayer Room

2008-12-12T15:22:00.000-08:00

Would you like to hear about my "yahoo" day? You hear about my down days so I had better share with you my answer to prayer days. Yesterday, I took my first new pill and started to feel not very good by afternoon; now you are saying I thought this was going to be good news. It is just hang in there. That evening my friend, Bonnie and I went to the Healing Room on the east side of St. Paul. A missionary couple from her church runs it. There were three people there who annointed and prayed over me. I could feel the tension and depression leave my body which was replaced with hope and trust in the Lord. The Lord met me right where I was and The Holy Spirit did His filling in me last night. I slept so good and woke up this morning feeling great. I even went to exercise. I take another pill tomorrow but I know I will be fine.

1Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered alittle while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

Dark Week

2008-12-08T17:51:00.000-08:00

Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Eph. 6:10. I just read that tonight and it was what I needed to read. This week has been a week of feeling scared, fearful and silence from the Lord. I have now realized that I was so full of fear and doubt that there was no room for Him and I wasn't hearing His voice. I have to get rid of the fear so I can be filled with Him. I cried out to Him and I thought He was silent but I don't think He was; I wasn't listening!

The first antibotic didn't work. After taking it for 2 days, I was so sick so the doctor took me off of it and wants me to try another that is a little easier on the stomach as soon as my stomach can tolerate it. I am hoping that will be this week sometime so that next week I can start the other antibotic and then the week after then I can start the next. That is where it gets so overwhelming; when I think about the other two and how am I going to handle all of that in my body when I could even handle the first one. That is when the darkness comes in around me and fear takes over. That is when I have to hear His voice to calm me.

His Mercies Are New Every Morning

2008-12-03T18:53:00.000-08:00

As I would say on Roger's caring bridge site, it was a "yahoo" day. I went to see my new family physician just to get a second opinion on my anemia and Vitamin D deficiency that now my past doctor said I had. This is not Dr. Wright, my lung doctor. I am sticking with him; he is excellent. Anyway, Dr. Ramsay today looked at my chart and I am hardly anemic and that it is caused by my lung infection and that should get better as my infection does. Also the other doctor put me on a huge Vitamin D amount which today I found out was very dangerous. I guess Vitamin D stays in the body and I could have overdosed on it. She told me to throw the pills away and go to the drug store and buy a bottle of Vitamin D 1000units and take daily. She said that is all women need. She said my blood pressure was great versus the other doctor who said it wasn't good enough. I came out of there feeling so much better about my health. She said that I am in good health except for my lungs and that Dr. Wright is correct I have to tolerate the meds; there is no choice. Today was the first day I took the first round of pills. A few more sores in my mouth but nothing that I can't tolerate. I know it takes awhile for the drug to build up in the system so keep praying that I will not have any side effects and that it will not take as long as they think. Wouldn't all of that be a God miracle. He is still a God of miracles so I am counting on that. Thanks for checking in on me.

My New Journey

2008-12-02T19:30:00.000-08:00

My new journey begins tomorrow morning. I start heavy doses of antibiotics. I found out today that I have MAI in both of my lungs. It is not contagious but is a form of TB and needs to be treated aggressively. I will have to be on them for 12-18 months. They will have to monitor me closely because of potential harm to the liver and blood cells. For those of you that know me well, I have a hard time tolerating meds and there is not a choice; I need to be on these. I would appreciate everyones prayers that my body will tolerate these 3 different antibiotics that I will have to take 3 times a week for many months. Please pray for God's hand on my body. It is times like these that not having Roger by my side to help me thru this is so hard. Don't get me wrong, I miss him all the time but being alone when one comes against something like this makes it harder. A friend of mine called me tonight and the Lord brought a Bible verse to here awhile ago and she shared it with me. Isaiah 54:5, For your Maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is His name. Thank you, Charlena, for that verse. It will be a verse that I will claim as mine thru this valley.

Therapy Session #2

2008-12-02T05:28:00.000-08:00

In March, I prayed to the Lord that I know He gives me only what I can handle and that I was ready to go over the edge and He heard my prayer and got Roger into the Pillars a day later. I am so close to that edge again; not quite there but heading that way. Since Roger's death so many things have happened that I can't even remember them all but thru each one the Lord's hand was guiding me. I am now praying the same prayer that before the edge comes, He will rescue me one more time. Coming home from David and Carrie's on Sunday, the weather turned bad and I hit ice and my car went out of control and hit guard rails. Praise the Lord I was not hurt nor did my car hit another car which was a God miracle since I spun around and went across the other lane. My car got alot of damage but was driveable. I was not the only car that had an accident on that over pass. There was a car ahead of me that also did the same thing but they had to tow that car away. The officer sent me on my way after awhile and I drove most of the way home on pure ice. Finally, the trucks got out and started sanding; they were not very quick getting out. My car is going in this morning to the car hospital and I will get a loaner. So you see, The Lord was with me and guiding my steps. I was not hurt, no other car hit me, the damage to my car could have been major, no other person was involved, my car withstood the impacts well, I got home safe and He gave me the strength to drive the rest of the way without shaking! HE WAS WITH ME! I can't loose sight of that. Today I go in to my lung doctor for an appointment that was sooner than I expected. His office called and said that he does not want me to wait until the 19th to see him. He had said that the culture in the lab would not be done until the end of December so I must have one healthy infection that grew so fast. I have to admit that I am alittle worried about the results and will be glad when today is done. I know that HE WILL BE WITH ME again! I just can't let fear take over and loose that very important focus. Thanks again for my therapy session. I may have to start paying you for these times. Blessings

Leaning and Trusting

2008-11-19T10:07:00.001-08:00

I thankful it has been a year but the memories are so very hard. Thank you for my therapy session today This is the day a year ago that Roger had his biopsy and we were told it was terminal, stage 4 brain cancer. This was the day my world changed. My world was not only changing it seemed to be unraveling and there was nothing I could do about it. It was the day that I had to give Roger over to the Lord and His will. I wanted to fix it and make it all better. I wanted our life back the way it was. I wanted my husband back whole again. I cried, fell on my knees and pleaded with God to restore Roger. That day was like living in a nightmare that I just could not wake up from. It couldn't be happening to us! How could life change so drastically in a blink of an eye? How could our life go from being content and happy one day and full of pain and fear the next? It was a day I found out what the word "wailing" was. It came from the depth of my soul; it kept welling up with groans until reality took over and I needed to get up and leave that conference room with my family to go to my husband and reassure him that all will be well even when I felt otherwise.
When I saw him sitting in the bed eating his hamburger, all the reassurance I was going to give him, all the talk of God's will and all the smiles of trust went out the window. Roger was the strong one; the one who reassured me, the one who talked about God's will and the one who talked about trust. Now a year later, I look back and see that day was the hardest day of my life. I had to come to terms of Roger having terminal cancer and what that looks like for us. Where could I go for those answers? How would anyone be able to tell me what that means for Roger, myself and our family? Roger and I found those answers together in the Lord. The answer was "lean on Me and trust". I am still a year later leaning and trusting in the One who weeps with me, who holds me in his arms to comfort me and who leads me by His righteous right hand; my Savior, my all.

Battle Hymn

2008-11-17T07:52:00.000-08:00

Okay bloggers (are you impressed that I used that term!) do you need an uplift today? No, I don't mean a physical one but I do mean a spiritual one. It is a video with elementary and high school choirs that are singing this beautiful hymn. On one of the slides, Jesus is holding a little lamb. Picture yourself as that lamb He is so lovingly holding. It will bring you comfort and tears. It just brings to my mind how far our country has strayed and how Christ is waiting for us to come back to be held once again in His everlasting arms. Here is the site; www.greatdanepromilitary.com then go to link new pages and click on Battle Hymn. I am sure this was for Veterans Day but when you see it you will find that it is for all of us. Enjoy!

GOOD NEWS

2008-11-11T15:50:00.000-08:00

I talked to the doctor today and there is no cancer in my lung! Praise the Lord! Thank you for praying for me. He said that there is something in there but we will not know until the end of December what kind of infection it is. Now would you pray with me for a healing of my lung! It was so nice to hear the words not cancer. I have alot to be thankful for and I hope I never take that for granted. The Lord is good all of the time.

Lung Biopsy Update

2008-11-08T09:50:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the prayers yesterday. All went well. My lung stayed inflated and there was not bleeding; God is Good! I will find out on Tuesday alittle more from the doctor. He will be able to tell me than that it is not cancerous. He feels it is a chronic infection that will take awhile to get rid of. I am so thankful that Jason and Carolyn , David and Carrie were there with me. Jason and Carolyn were with me physically and in prayer, David and Carrie were with me in prayer. All of your prayers were strongly felt and the Lord gave me such peace. After they gave me the happy juice, I knew nothing. I was gone. I remember talking to the doctor and then all of a sudden I remember nothing. I was probably in mid-sentence when I dosed off. I am sure I was saying something very important, too! That is one way to keep me from talking!

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalms 4:8

Another Journey

2008-11-02T14:11:00.000-08:00

God doesn't give us more than we can handle! I must not be at my limit yet. He has given me a new challenge and journey to go thru; praise the Lord He is still working on me. Next Friday morning, I go into United Hospital for a lung biopsy. I have had a nodule in my left lung for a few years. I decided to go see my lung doctor again after 3 years of not having a CAT scan. My insurance will be running out in April so I thought I should get that checked again ( A GOD thought). Dr. Wright agreed that I should have it checked because of some symptoms I was having. It has grown alot and I now have alot of spots in my lung. He wants to do a biopsy to see what it is. I had to ask him the difficult question that has the "C" word in it. He does not believe it is cancer; he thinks it might be an infection that will take a year of medication to get rid of. Alot of you know that I can not tolerate meds very well but then I have to remind myself that I am getting ahead of God and He already is on the job! I am praying for a complete healing so when the doctor goes in he won't even be able to see any problem; that would be a miracle. Would you also pray along with me? I also know that God's plan for our lives is not our plan for our lives so whatever the Lord needs me to walk thru, I can and will do it with Him by my side.

Brains Together For A Cure Walk

2008-10-26T15:45:00.000-07:00

Ten of us went down to Rochester early Saturday morning for the walk in Roger's memory. What a wonderful day! The weather was beautiful, I was with my family and a good friend. The only thing that could have made it better was if Roger would have been there with us; oh but wait! He was. We all felt his presence with us so strongly. The organizers of the event made it so fun for us that were participating. Last year was their first year and they had about 400 people and this year they had about 600. All the money went to research at the Mayo. After the walk, we all went into the gym where they had a program. Roger's doctor at the Mayo, Doctor Um, spoke. It was so nice to see him there. He is such a gentle and kind man. I could see in his eyes how his heart breaks for the cancer patients and how he so wants there to be a cure. They are having it again next year around the same time. I hope some of you who couldn't go will consider the walk for next year. It is a wonderful way of spending time together. I had pins made up wtih Roger's picture on them and we worn them so proudly. My kids all left this morning; it is so hard to say good-bye but so good to have had them home for the time the Lord blessed me with. We played games last night and just had alot of fun together; we even acted like we were all kids again. I know for me that was the first time in just about a year that I was able to really laugh and forget for awhile. Saturday was such a healing time for me. Thank you my dear family and my dear friend for helping me heal.

Beautiful Fall Weekend

2008-10-19T16:23:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a fun weekend in Door County. Friday my niece, Barb, her husband, Blaine and myself drove to Sturgeon Bay for the weekend coming back today. They have some wonderful friends that have a lake home just 5 minutes from David and Carrie. They stayted with their friends and I stayed with David, Carrie and my grandpuppies. On Saturday, Barb, her friend, Shelly, and myself went to the Harvest Festival in Sister Bay. People come from all over for that festival so it was packed. The weather was beautiful and we had a great time. I didn't get to spend much time with David and Carrie because they were involved in the festival but they are coming this weekend for the cancer walk in Rochester. I will be able to spend more time with them then. The leaves in Sturgeon Bay were a work of art that only God could do. What a gift that was for our eyes.

Six Months

2008-10-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

Six months today! I remember the day as if it were just yesterday. It was a sad day for us but a home going party for Roger. What a beautiful moment that was with my arms wrapped around him, he went home. I still remember the thunder and lightening during the blizzard storm the same time as he took his last breath. Six months and it will be a year and I wonder if the missing him will lessen. Will the memories fade? I so hope not. Maybe memories of his last day will fade and other memories of when he was well will come back. The memories of his teasing, his laughter, his praying and so many other wonderful things. Thanks for allowing me to voice my sadness today. Well, enough! Time to move on with my day. As Rogie would say if he were here, "Let's go do something." Okay, Rogie, I am going to start my day. This is the day the Lord has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it!

Understanding God's Grace

2008-10-07T14:00:00.000-07:00

That is what we talked about this morning at my Bible Study; God's Riches At Christ's Expense; His Grace. It was so good. The study is so rich and it makes me think of how good God is even when I probably don't deserve it. There was a youth pastor at my former church a number of years ago who said, "Things happen to us so things can happen in us so things can happen thru us". Read that again and let it soak in. That is God's Grace! That is my life this past year. Roger's cancer diagnosis happened to us, which gave me more dependence and strength and focus on Jesus (in me) so I can do what God wants to do (thru me). He prepares us to be His lifeline to others. The preparation is not easy and as I found out it can hurt bad at times but then He sends things that happen thru me and I see the purpose.

Yesterday I was outside putting up strips of plastic over the screening on our porch for the winter so snow will not come in. This use to be Roger's job and I have given that task to Jason who will finish up the project for me. I only did what I could do. On two of the plastic sheets, Roger had written on the top to toss in 2008! It was like he was instructing me from Heaven. It took me back at first to see his precious handwriting but then I had to see the humor in it. Even in death Roger is taking care of me. To see his handwriting on the plastic instructing me to toss it and cut some new pieces so they would last thru the winter was amazing and a comfort. That is God's Grace!

Cancer Walk

2008-09-29T15:42:00.000-07:00

I have been in contact with Susan who is in charge of the Tumor Walk in Rochester at the end of October and she gave me directions on where to go in Rochester. If anyone would like to come to my house and follow us, be here at 7:10 am so we can get there by 9:00 to get situated. Here are the directions; Take Hwy. 52 into Rochester. Take the 16th St SW exit (this is aways from the North part of town). Once on 16th street you will cross over the bridge for 52 and driving past Apache Mall on your left and Linens and Things on your right(if that sign is still there since they are out of business) on your right. There will be a stop light by the mall entrance and then the next stop light you come to will be Broadway. Take a left onto Broadway until 12th St SE. You will go past another strip mall on your left and a Denny's on the right. At the lights for 12th St. SE take a right. Follow 12th St. out until you come to 30th Ave SE. THis is almost to the end of the city. Take a left on 30th and the field house is the big building on your left. The college is first but off further in the distance but the field house is down just a little further and it is in plain sight from the road. Big parking lot to meet. She suggested we meet at the NW corner of the lot. I have buttons to hand out for you to wear with Roger's picture on it. Hope this makes sense. See you there!

God's Art Work

2008-09-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

I am home now to stay for awhile. After getting back from David and Carrie's in Door County, I went up north this weekend to my brother, Gary, and sister-in-law, Joy's home by Mille Lacs Lake. If you want to see God's art work, take a day and drive up north to see the fall colors. The leaves are just starting to turn and should be peaking in a couple of weeks. The colors are going to be outstanding this year. Take advantage of this beautiful time of year that the Lord has made for our enjoyment. We get so busy with schedules and life that we sometimes forget to appreciate what was created for our enjoyment. There is nothing more important then to spend time with each other praising the Lord for His goodness to us thru His Creation. I love this time of year; even if the cold and snow are just around the corner. When God create this for us, He said,"It is good". It is GOOD so enjoy it!

Hello from Sturgeon Bay

2008-09-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I am in Door County with David, Carrie, Allie, Bucky and Gunnar (the little one). I am going to take care of my grandpuppies for the weekend. David and Carrie are going to be gone for a couple of days to celebrate their first anniversary. How did that happen so fast? It just seems like yesterday they were walking down the aisle and Roger and I were so proud and happy. How fast a year can change; so much can happen in such a short amount of time. I know Roger would have loved to have been here with me to puppy sit. He and Allie ( the black Lab) every morning would go for a longggg walk and they would both come back exhausted. A few years ago, Roger took Allie for a walk on a country road and along side the road on a big rock was a Halloween decoration or statue probably left by a little child. The next day when he and Allie went for a walk, Roger placed something along side that statue on the rock. Then the next day, there was another statue along side the others. The next year was the same. I wonder if that little person wonders who played that game along with him/her and why that person stopped. Roger had such a good time playing along.

The sun is shining and David and Carrie gave me strict rules that I am not to do anything but I think I feel the rules starting to bend alittle! I feel Carrie's gardens calling me. I need to get my hands dirty! That is not such a bad thing; my hands may get dirty but my mind and body will be refreshed.

I hope who ever is reading this blog is feeling God's love and presence in their lives today as I am here in Sturgeon Bay. Have a great God day living for Him.

Five Months and Counting

2008-09-10T15:55:00.000-07:00

It has been five months today that Roger went on his Heavenly Journey. It seems more like five years! I miss him so much but I can't let myself dwell on that or I can feel depression setting in. So instead of dwelling on missing him and being alone , I start thinking how blessed he is to be in the presence of the Lord and that he is not that far away from me. The other day I was trying to take down a curtain rod and the one screw wouldn't turn and in my mind I could hear him saying to me, "Joycie, don't strip that screw." Which he knew I sometimes did! Those are the times when I hear his voice in my mind that is my comfort. I have to admit that there are some mornings that I just want to pull the blankets over my head and stay there all day; just don't want to have to face another day alone. That is when I hear the Lord saying, " Get up, I have things for you to do today." He always does and then the lonliness leaves.

Don't forget to register for the brain tumor walk in Rochester if you are going. I will be blogging the directions in a few weeks. I have e-mailed a lady there that is in charge of the walk and she has told me where the best place would be for all of us to meet. Hope to see you there.

A Time For Everything

2008-09-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

Fall is coming soon! The Jerry Lewis Telethon is over, US Tennis is being played, Little Falls Craft show is next weekend and school starts tomorrow. Where did the summer go? I love fall but I know winter is coming right after. I have no clue what this winter will be like for me. It, of course, will be another first. I do know that God will walk me thru the long season of winter and that He will comfort me. I plan to use the winter season to be home more and to use that time to remember. It will probably be a time that I am still and will allow myself to spend time with memories of Roger. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us there is a time for everything; a time to weep, a time to mourn among others. Those two are what I expect will be mine this winter. The Lord did not just leave it at a time to weep or mourn; after the time to weep is a time to laugh and after the time to mourn is a time to dance. Weeping and mourning is what brings the healing. I don't want to weep or mourn; I want to have Roger here with me to enjoy the evenings with games in front of the fire, watching American Idol (Yep, Roger even liked that show). That's not going to happen so I need to weep and mourn so I can laugh and dance again.

Baby Steps

2008-08-22T17:30:00.000-07:00

Another week gone and another weekend has come. Where does the time go? Someone asked me how I was doing. I said because of God's grace I am doing pretty good. The weeks seem to fly by and I can't even tell you why. I just know that I am always busy so when I come home, I am ready to be home and rest. Every day I thank the Lord for my home that Roger and I bought together and loved together. What wonderful memories I have here. I am making some changes; some big and some small. Some of the changes are ones that will help me more on without the constant memory of Roger when I see it. I still have the memory in my heart and that is the best place for it to be. One of the changes I questioned if Roger would have approved of. I was told by a very good friend of Rogers, "Joyce, this is your house now." He probably doesn't even realize how encouraging that was to me. I don't have to feel guilty with my changes and that this is just another stage in moving on. It is baby steps but they are steps no less.

Blessed Be The Name

2008-08-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

Do you know the song, Blessed Be the Name of the Lord? The words are He gives and takes away; my heart will choose to say, Blessed be Thy Name. He did take away but each day I choose to believe and trust Him. How could I not; He is so good to me. This weekend was a full and fun weekend. I spent Friday night with Jason and Carolyn and then Saturday afternoon My brother, Dale, and sister-in-law, Judy, came over to help me with somethings around the house that I couldn't do by myself and then we went out for dinner. God has given me such a wonderful family; Brothers that are always happy to help me and sister-in-laws who I would rather call sisters because they care for me.

Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble, He cares for those who trust in Him.

Roger's Walk in Rochester

2008-08-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

PUT ON YOUR WALKING SHOES. On Saturday, October 25, there will be a Brain Tumor 5k walk in Rochester put on by the Mayo Clinic. We thought that would be a fun way to remember Roger and to raise funds; all the proceeds go directly to brain research. If you go to www.brainstogetherforacure.org, it will tell you all about it. If you register online it is $20. There is no raising of funds just the registration fee. We are trying to get as many people informed incase this is something they would like to participate in. I am going to be ordering about 20 photo buttons of Roger for whoever would like to have one to wear on the walk. My great niece, Breanne (and she is great) had this wonderful idea of the walk and she is helping me organize it so as we get more info, I will send it out on the blog. If you know of anyone that might be interested and might not know of this blog, would you please let them know. I know Roger would be thrilled to know that we are raising research funds to help fight the brain cancer and tumor monster but he would also be happy to know that we would all be spending time together.

Roger's Birthday

2008-08-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be another first. Roger's birthday without being able to celebrate with him. I am not sure how I am going to feel tomorrow. I don't think I will miss him anymore than I already do. I don't think that would be possible. If Roger were here, we would probably spend the evening with Jason and Carolyn and that is what we are still going to do. The three of us will go to visit Roger and remember all the good times we had together. This year Roger will not be getting a year older on his birthday; he will be forever young. I think he got the best birthday gift of all on April 10; he met Jesus face to face and heard, "Welcome home my child."

The Lost Has Been Found

2008-08-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

Oh, God is so good! My Bible has been found! I know you are going to ask where I found it and actually it was never lost but misplaced by yours truly. I have no idea how it got downstairs in my cumputer closet but it did. I must have gone down to file some papers and put my Bible down on a stool and there it has been ever since. The feeling I had when I saw it was overjoy; it is so hard to explain for you to understand unless you have gone thru a death of a close loved one. My Bible to me is my lifeline and I know I could go and get another but this one was so special to me; you see, every day I would read scripture to Roger from this Bible. If he was sitting down in his (Archie) chair, lying in bed at night, or lying in his hospital bed, he would ask me to read scripture to him. Reading God's Word did an amazing thing for both of us; It had us focus on God and His promises rather than our fears of what the future would hold for us. My Bibles are very special to me because I want to give each of my boys one when the Lord calls me home. I know how special that was for them when they each received one of Roger's. Carrie, my daughter-in-law, e-mailed me to tell me that she is not going to believe that the Bible is lost but that I would find it and she was right. She knows me well!

God is faithful in the little things so just think how faithful He is in the big stuff. Whatever you are going thru right now, don't give up. Read His Word and digest it and cling to it.

Lost and Found

2008-08-07T18:38:00.000-07:00

I have misplaced something very special to me; my Bible. The last time I had it was on Sunday and I was hoping that I had left it at church and it would be there waiting for me but it wasn't. I had so many written notes in there and some papers that had special meaning to me. I am praying that if I don't get it back that someone who has it will read it and growing in their faith. I will wait and see what the Lord does before I go get another Bible.

Last week I lost my cookie! No, I am not crazy. The cookie I lost was on my computer and for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about you are not alone; I am not sure what it is either. All I know, I have to have it on my computer so I started following the instructions on the computer on how to get it back and I did it. I figured what do I have to lose (accept my cookie)! The things you can learn when you have to.

Sing a Joyful Noise

2008-08-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

This was a beautiful day of worship. I went to church and today I decided to not look for someone that I knew to sit with but to sit in a row by myself. That was a big step; one that I was working towards doing some day. I kind of surprised myself when I did it. I felt the Lord encouraging me to take another step of firsts. I wasn't alone long when a couple Roger and I knew came to sit with me. God does that; He always takes care of me. I have learned that obedience brings blessings. During the worship time we sang Hope of all Nations; a song that I remember Roger singing in church. As we were standing and singing, I could hear Roger singing along. It seemed like he was right beside me singing as loud as he could praising the Lord. It seemed so real that I had to look over to see if he was there. He loved to sing in church. He was never self conscious; he was there to worship his Lord. Roger and I often said to each other that we were singing a joyful NOISE unto the Lord!

Make your Days Count

2008-07-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

That is my thought for today; make your days count. Make a difference in others lives each and everyday. Roger's mom called me last night and asked if I would write some memories I have of Roger so when his family get together on his birthday, August 13, they are going to read all the memories from the individual members. I did and what memories they are. I could only do a few or else I would have to write a book because there were so many. The memories that came to mind just made my heart and soul long for Roger in my life again. As I was choosing the memories to share, I truly realized what a difference he made in my life. I also realized that taking your spouse and your life with them for granted is an easy thing to do. I wish I could have cherished each moment I lived with Roger as much as I cherish the memories now. Roger thru his life has and still is teaching me to number my days and make my days count. I read today that it is not how long you live that counts, but how you live.

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12

Perseverance

2008-07-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

I am reading a Christian book called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. The chapter I am reading today talks about perseverance. I never realized how hard that is to do when trials come into our lives. The trials I have had in my life before seem so much smaller now as I go thru this journey of living my life without Rogie. Perseverance is something I have to choose hourly. How does perseverance look, feel and act? How do I accomplish that in my life and how do I persevere? James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." First of all, I know I must keep my focus on the Lord. I know He has a plan for me. Second, I know at some point He wants me to not look back at the pain of losing Rogie but look ahead to my future, never forgetting my sweet hubby but to cherish the wonderful memories I have of our life together. I can't say that this trial has been pure joy but knowing that Jesus held me every step of the way and still is carrying me is pure joy. Looking to Him is pure joy. Knowing that some how this will all be worth it as long as I persevere. I know Roger's desire and mine was that people would come to know the Lord and to draw closer to Him thru this trial; that is pure JOY and IT IS WORTH IT!

The Touch

2008-07-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

I was sitting here looking at my screen saver picture. It is our family picture that was taken in December. Roger has his arm around my waist. Oh, how I miss his touch. I miss so much about him; his laugh, his walking in the door from work saying the king is home, his calls during the day to see how I am doing, our prayer times together, our walks in the summer, our going to Jason's games and then stopping to get an ice cream cone, playing games together, him holding my hand as we watched TV together, going to church together, going out to eat together and his voice. Oh his voice. How quickly my mind has forgotten his tone. I hate that; it is so hard not to be able to remember his voice. As you can tell, I am having a missing Roger party by myself. Oops that is wrong! God must have known I needed someone to cry with. My sweet niece, Barb, just called and we cried together. She is my PEBBLE. She use to call herself my rock but we cry so much together that she has been given the title of pebble instead. I love when she calls because I know she allows me to cry and that she feels the same way and doesn't think that she cant't shed tears with me. Tears are so healing; the shortest verse in the Bible is Jesus wept. He wept tears of sorrow over the death of someone he loved, Lazurus. He wept even when He knew He would see his friend again because He would raise him from the dead. I weep over the death of someone I love and I know I will see him again, too. What a wonderful, joyous reunion that will be. Something to look forward to and then I will hear Roger's voice again and no longer forget the sound.

Be Still

2008-07-12T07:52:00.000-07:00

Last night I ate dinner at my kitchen table. That may not seem like a big thing and may seem quite normal but for me it was a first without Roger. I usually eat in front of the TV to help pass that time of loneliness. Last night, I just needed to have that first not be a first anymore. As I sat there and was thinking while I ate, I remembered the movie Sixth Sense that was out many years ago. It was about a man that was killed but didn't know it. He thought he was still alive and tried to talk to his wife but she would not answer him because she could not see him or hear him. Now this movie goes against everything I believe. I believe Roger is in Heaven with Jesus and doesn't come back to be with me as the movie shows but last night as I sat there looking at Roger's chair in the kitchen, just for a moment, I allowed myself to think what if Roger is sitting in his chair talking to me and comforting me and I not know it. Okay, you might be thinking that I am really falling off the deep end; don't worry, I'm not! I know Roger is with me but not in the way the movie shows; he is with me always in my heart and in my memories. Another first, that is no longer a first and it was a good thing. Loneliness is a not a good feeling so I try to fill that part of my life with things to do like being gone, TV, reading, yard work, talking on the phone, games on the computer or others. Loneliness doesn't have to be a time that has to be filled with busyness; not all of the time. I have to take advantage of that time to fill it with more important comforts like spending time with the Lord. He is the lasting comfort; all the others never last. It was in the quiet of the night that Samuel (in the Bible) heard God's voice; he was quiet so he could hear the voice of God. How can I possible hear God speaking to me when I fill it with all the other worldly things that are only temporary. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is "Be still and know I am God". I need to remember that and be reminded of that as I go thru my journey. Remembering that verse is not enough; I need to DO IT.

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

2008-07-10T17:10:00.000-07:00

I was talking to someone very dear to me today. She said that God has a sense of humor. They are getting company tomorrow so they worked really hard last night on their yard so it would look nice for the company. Then the storm went thru this afternoon and a big branch from the neighbors cottonwood tree fell on their garage and their back yard looked like a war zone with leaves and branches all over. A tree in their yard also went down. So much for having their back yard looking nice for tomorrow. Was she upset? Not at all! She said because of Roger's journey she has learned not to sweat the small stuff. I was so blessed to hear how much Roger's journey has helped her to know what is important. Could there be others that don't sweat the small stuff because of Roger?

4th of July

2008-07-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

I just got back from spending the long weekend with Jason and Carolyn in Land O' Lakes in Wisconsin. Her family had a reunion there. They all made me feel so welcome. I couldn't have felt more loved and cared for. It was so nice to be able to share with them stories of Roger in his last days. Some of us stayed in a lodge not to far from the lake home where we were going to be spending most of our days. I requesting having my own room which I knew would be hard but I needed to have the time to myself; I needed to do this as another first. I can't even explain the emotions I felt the first night there in the room by myself. As I layed in the bed, I reached out my hand to the side Roger would have been lying on and just left it there for awhile. For some reason that was a comfort for me. I didn't feel Roger's hand in mine but for some reason it gave me peace. It was as if Roger was saying, "Joycie, you can do this." I did and I was so blessed. This moring before we all went our own way, we had a devotion time that was led by Carolyn's Uncle Ed who is a missionary in Nigeria along with his wife, Wilma. During the devotional time he told us to look around at each person in the room because the next time we all get together again someone might not be there because we just don't know what tomorrow will bring. I am sure that spoke volumes to everyone since I was there without Roger. Tomorrow as you are with others, take sometime to look around and don't take those with you for granted and enjoy that time with them.

Winged Ants

2008-07-01T14:15:00.000-07:00

Yep, that is what I woke up to this morning. There were hundreds on my bay window and yes they were inside! Then I looked at the fireplace hearth and it was full of those little sugar ants! I moved into action; got the vacuum and sucked those little buggers up. Then I would turn around and there was more! I went out side and sprayed under the window and on the outside grate of the fireplace and put out some ant poison on the hearth. I worked at church today so I thought when I came home it would be loaded again but thank the Lord it wasn't. Okay, so what am I suppose to learn from that little curve in the road? I do think Satan was getting in there to add more stress into my life but it didn't work. I have learned to take things as they come and not get stressed over the little things in life. It was just a little blip in my day but I still have my home and it looks like the ants are gone. Now ask me how I am doing if Satan decides to put mice in my basement; that may be another story!

Family Wedding

2008-06-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

I know we all missed Roger this weekend at his niece's wedding. I knew this wedding was going to be hard for me and it didn't let me down. I did pretty well until the song From This Moment was sung. I cried like I haven't for awhile. I have realized that I just don't know when and what will set off the emotions. I have also realized that's okay; it is a release that is part of the healing. The Lord made us with these emotions so we could heal from our hurts. My boys and my girls were there for me the whole time; they were so protective and caring. They knew how I was hurting and comforted me. Sarah and Jeremy, the bride and groom, were also so compassionate and kind; I know they missed Roger also and wished he could have been there. Maybe the Lord gave Roger the chance to watch for just awhile to see how beautiful and happy his niece looked and how proud he could be of his own children in taking care of me.

Lord, please tell Roger how much I love him and that I miss him so much. Let him know, Jesus, that you are faithful to me and that You are giving me strength to get thru each day.

Family Wedding

2008-06-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

In a few days, I will be going to Roger's nieces's wedding. This will be the first time with Roger's family since the memorial service. I want this wedding to be a happy time and a wonderful memory. I wish Roger could be there but that was not in God's plan. My kids will be there with me so part of Roger will be there. I know there will be tears; tears of missing Roger but also tears of joy for the couple.

Those Darn Computers!

2008-06-20T14:09:00.000-07:00

Last night I was so proud of myself for connecting a new printer to my computer and running the software! My old printer died so my niece had a new one that they were not using and gave it to me ; I told you I was blessed! After the software ran, then I couldn't get online for some reason. I tried everything except kicking it! Okay, what was I going to do; e-mail JOHN, Roger's good friend who I knew would come over as soon as he could and he did. He came today and knew what to do. Now I am online again. I am so computer illiterate and now I have two, the regular one and the laptop (which by the way also need something done on it which of course, John did). Thanks, John and I know Roger would be pleased. Told you I was blessed!

Summer is Here!

2008-06-19T18:03:00.000-07:00

This is the day that the Lord has made and what a perfect job He did. Not only the weather is perfect but I am thinking of all the blessings the Lord has given to me. Some people told me that people in my life will start to disappear after Roger's memorial service; they didn't know the people in my life. Every day I am doing something special with a friend or a family member and then when I do come home, I get phone calls. The Lord called home my best friend in April but He has given me so many wonderful friends and family to help me each day to get thru my loss. Thank you dear ones in my life!

Awesome Father's Day

2008-06-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

This morning as I got up to get ready for church, I was sitting on the bed looking at Roger's picture on the table. As he was smiling at me, I was wishing him a Happy Father's Day and then an awesome God thought came. He is in heaven with our Heavenly Father. What an awesome Father's Day he is having. I know Roger praises and worships every day The Father and every day in Heaven is Father's Day but for those of us here it is a beautiful vision. It gives me God goose bumps just thinking about that. Guess who Roger is worshiping with? His earthly father! Couldn't be better than that!

June the Wedding Month

2008-06-14T19:33:00.000-07:00

I have three weddings this month to attend. The first two are friends whose daughters got married. Roger and I have known them for years. They were beautiful weddings and it was nice to celebrate with many friends. With each wedding, Roger's absence from my side was so hard. As people would share with me some news, my mind would think I need to share this with Roger and then reality would hit; Roger is not here to share with. That is one of the things I miss the most. I thank God for the two weddings before the third one at the end of June. The first two I believe were a preparation for the third which is Roger's niece's wedding. Roger's absence will be missed by many family. I am so thankful that Jason, Carolyn, David and Carrie will be with me. When they are with me, part of Roger is with me also. So many firsts; will I ever feel comfortable going places by myself? I guess, that is why I have forced myself to do things. I need to get use to being by myself. I don't like it but I don't have a choice. I am not one to sit home and feel sorry for myself; if I did that how could the Lord use me where he needs me. I think that God uses us even when we grieve; life doesn't stop it just changes.

Practice What I Write!

2008-06-09T18:53:00.000-07:00

Whew what a weekend! I was whining up a storm and feeling sorry for myself big time. Have you ever done that? Things were just not going right; I felt some depression coming in and those darn neighbor's maple trees were losing their helicopter seeds all in my back yard. My grass was full and all the rock I have down was covered. Another year of being on my hands and knees picking them up ONE BY ONE. Today, I was whining about that to my friend at church and she was kind enough to listen to all of my whoas. This afternoon God told me I needed to practice what I write. My last entry was Count your Blessings Name Them ONE BY ONE! Shame on me for complaining that I have all that work to do which yes it is tedious but I still am able to get down on my hand and knees to do it. How many people wish they had a house and a yard to work in? So this afternoon as I was down on my hands and knees, I started to thank the Lord for each seed that I was picking up. I can't say I had an instant love for those unsightly things but the Lord gave me another insight into the job at hand.

Count Your Blessings Name Them One By One

2008-06-02T15:17:00.000-07:00

That is what I am doing today; counting my blessings. That beautiful old hymn came to mind and it is so true. I am blessed with a wonderful family, wonderful friends, wonderful church, beautiful home, car, my turtle Bethie (yes I have a pet turtle and yes I said PET), my back feeling so much better, financial provisions by Rogie for me, but most of all Jesus who loves me and walks me thru my journey. His mercy is new every morning! What a blessing to know that I am His and He is mine. My huge blessing today is that I received a letter from my mortgage company stating that my mortgage is paid in full; thanks to Roger's great planning with his life insurance. What a wonderful feeling! Another blessing today; I called Bible Study Fellowship to find out how much has been donated in Roger's memory and so far they have received $2300! Roger is even blessing others thru his death. I know he is hearing,"Well done good and faithful servant."

Reality

2008-05-30T21:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I admit it; I love reality shows! American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Survivor, and Amazing Race. What else is on TV that is decent to watch? I heard on the news the other day that there is a lady that watches 20 reality shows. So watching four isn't so bad.

Reality hit me hard today and it wasn't a TV show. I ordered Roger's stone a few weeks ago and they put it in the other day so I went today to his grave. There it was; Roger G. Counihan 1949-2008. I knew he was buried in the box I had bought for his ashes but seeing his name in stone made it all so real. My name is next to his with an open ended year but that didn't bother me as much as seeing my sweet guy's name there. I wonder if that is how someone made up the saying written in stone. Maybe there was a death of a loved one in that person's life and reality hit when that name was set in stone. I was just thinking that when Jesus died on the cross and his friends put him into a tomb they could have carved His name in the stone but they didn't because there was no reason to; His death was not final. He rose again. Roger's death is final for earth but he will also rise again when the Lord comes back. That gives me God goose bumps!

Planning my Life

2008-05-27T12:56:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful time up north spending the long weekend with my brother and his wife. It was so relaxing and just what I needed to do. One more weekend gone and more to come. I have been sitting here thinking what might lay in front of me. Already things are changing. These last few weeks have seen some replacing; Kitchen door knob, leaf blower, printer, my car is making funny sounds (hopefully not replacing). These are the hard things to handle without Roger. Most of these I would have taken care of myself anyway but it sure makes a difference not to have someone to talk to about them. I do believe that Satan knows my weakness at this time in my life so he probably figures discouragement would be a good one to send my way but he is not as smart as he thinks he is. The Lord says in Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you." I know discouragement is not in God's plans for me. Relying on Him is what I will do. This changed life is hard enough to do without adding discouragement to the list. God's Word further says, " Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." So I will have a future filled with hope. I need to keep my focus on Him and wait for His timing for my new life.

This Is The Day The Lord Has Made

2008-05-22T16:46:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful day that the Lord has given us today. It was a good day. Last night I was with Jason and Carolyn at their house to have dinner and watch the finale of American Idol. I know Jason would have rather watched the Twins baseball game but he stayed with us and suffered thru the finale. I spent the night there and then left this morning to get back to Woodbury to have brunch and reconnect with a friend. God has been so good. He has brought people back into my life and I am truly blessed for that. My friend gave me a beautiful book, The Gift of a Memory. The book is descibed as a book created to be a welcome friend for life's emotional journey of loss, this keepsake offers sensitive compassion, hope and comfort. That is putting it mildly. The book said everything I am feeling and thinking with Roger's passing. In 2 Corinthians 1:3 it states that God is our Father of compassion and comfort. Isn't it wonderful how He uses friends and books for that comfort.

Seize the Day

2008-05-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

The other morning I was sitting spending time with the Lord doing my devotions. The devotion I was reading was entitled, "Seize the Day." That title spoke to me in ways that it would never have before my journey. November 1, 2007 was like any other day. A day of all is well with the world. Roger and I were together; probably taking each other and life for granted. Life was good so why think about what might be. We just enjoyed being together and thanking the Lord for all the blessings he had given us. Then a few weeks later, life changed in ways we never expected. Life would never be the same as we had known it. A verse in the Bible says, "You do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." Seize each day. Seize each opportunity the Lord gives you each day. If He is calling you to walk a closer walk with Him, SEIZE it; if it is healing a broken relationship, SEIZE it. Whatever He is telling you to do, SEIZE it. Don't wait for another day, SEIZE it Today. In my devtional it said, to plan as though you will be living for a century; live as though you will be leaving today.

Another Friday Night

2008-05-16T17:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am sitting here on a Friday night eating my left over chichen salad sandwich for dinner, watching American Gladiator and blogging and how joyous am I? I am joyously thankful! The left over chichen salad sandwich is from a luncheon I had this week with two wonderful friends from my church. Hey, at least I have a TV to watch and a laptop to do my blogging which is my therapy session. I spent today with my best friend; she went with me to pick out granite countertops. I have decided that Roger would really want me to have a new stove (which we did talk about but never got to doing), a new sink and faucet to go with the new granite countertops (which we did talk about and Roger was not thrilled with that idea). I am using the money from the sale of the SUV and I do know that Roger would be okay with it now. I know he would want me to have something to enjoy and look forward to. I am so thankful to the Lord for each day that He blesses me with; I thank Him for all that He helps me with. He seems to always send who and what I need at the right time. Isn't God good? Okay, now I am going to do something wild tonight; I am going to use my hot tub. Praise be to the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. II Corinthians 1:3

A Day of Memories and Decisions

2008-05-13T17:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a start of an emotional and frustrating couple of days for me. Yesterday I went to order Roger's stone for his grave. Seeing his name written down in stone made it seem so real which of course it is and I know that. I guess visually seeing it makes it real. Then, I sold Roger's SUV and watched that leave last night. I do thank the Lord for providing a buyer that Roger and I know. The Lord made the sale so easy and quick. So in the mist of sadness, gratefulness abounds. 3M stock option was with E-Trade but then 3M switched over to Fidelity; the problem is thru E-Trade Roger had me on the account as joint but when it was switched over to Fidelity I was no longer on the account so now I have to go thru hoops to get myself on the account as beneficary. Of course, this all happened when Roger had gotten to the point that he could do nothing to fix that. Then I look at this and praise the Lord that I have stock to have that problem with. All of this just reminds me of how much I miss Roger and how wonderfully he took care of me. I am so thankful that the Lord will always be my sufficiency and He will help me thru the bad days. I just have to remember to ask Him and not try to do it by myself. So these probably weren't joyous jottings but I thank you for letting me bare my heart to you.

Mother's Day

2008-05-10T19:40:00.000-07:00

For all you mother's that will read this, I wish you a blessed day. "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her" Proverbs 31:28. A blessed day that will be filled with God's love, a blessed day that is not dependent on if you are spending it with your children or not. Even if you can't be with your children on Mother's Day, you will be in their thoughts and their hearts. You are a mother every day not just on that one day. I know with my children, I am loved and special to them every day. I won't be able to spend the day with my kids but that is okay because I know I have their love every day of the week. Tomorrow will be another first for me; first Mother's Day without Roger. I always told Roger that he didn't have to get me a gift because I was not his mother but he always gave me a beautiful card thanking me for being the mother of his children. Tomorrow morning that card won't be waiting for me on the kitchen table. I won't hear, "Happy Mother's Day" from the father of my children. There are so many firsts in my life now. More than I ever thought possible. I guess that shows that life does go on and the healing starts to begin; slowly at first but probably will pick up speed as the months and years go by. I thank the Lord for the wonderful memories I will always have of Roger; those memories will always be mine and those memories will always keep Roger alive in my heart. When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. I can't take credit for that saying but it is so true. The memory of Roger is my treasure.

Home From Sturgeon Bay

2008-05-07T17:05:00.000-07:00

I left David and Carrie's this morning and got home around 2:30. It felt so strange that I didn't have to call Roger at work to let him know I got home or to have my cell phone ring while I was driving and hear him say, " Hi, Sweetie." It is nice to be back in our home but I do miss David, Carrie and my grandpuppies. It was a wonderful visit. Jason and Carolyn are coming on Friday night for a sleep over. How blessed am I? God called Roger home but He gave me wonderful children to help me thru my journey. Thank you for your entries that encourage me and help me walk this walk; not alone, never alone. Jesus is walking with me.

Our Anniversary Day

2008-05-06T15:59:00.000-07:00

Can you believe that I am blogging. Something I knew nothing about until a few weeks ago when I was talked into this.

Today is May 6 my anniversary of 36 years with my wonderful husband. I still feel him with me so I still consider this our anniversary. We are celebrating it in different places, in different ways and probably celebrating for different reasons. I know Roger is celebrating being with the Lord. I am celebrating 36 wonderful years that I was blessed with Roger. Last week, I was cleaning out my desk and I found an anniversary card that I had forgotten about. It had such beautiful words that I bought it last year to give Roger on our anniversary. I sat holding it wondering what I should do with the card. Throwing it was not an option. I decided that on our anniversary I would write a love letter to Roger telling him of my weeks without him and how much I miss him. I put the letter in the card and sealed it. I taped it to the back of the beautiful picture Roger and taken of our hands with the scripture verse of Philipians 4:4-7. Roger had the picture taken with the thought that he would give it to me on our anniversary but he knew he would not be here so he gave it to me early. The letter will be there until the Lord calls me home and our children will be able to read it. Thru the tears when I wrote the letter, peace came over me and I know that the Lord granted my one request; I asked the Lord to tell Roger that I love him so very much. My first anniversary without Roger was sad but also joyous. I had a wonderful marriage and life with a man that God made for me; how could I be sad. I had to thank the Lord for a marriage that lasted 35 tremendous years. I would have loved to have more time with him but it could have been 34 years instead so I was blessed with 35. I am with David and Carrie in Sturgeon Bay and with my grandpuppies. How blessed I am to have them here and have Jason and Carolyn back home waiting for my return. God has been and will always be so good to me; I praise and thank Him every day for the wonderful things He has done! Thanks for going with me on MY new journey. Is it joyous? How can it not be when the Lord is the center of it.

Teaching Joyce how to blog

2008-05-06T15:41:00.000-07:00

This is Carrie here, Joyce's daughter, and I am teaching her how to blog so those of us who are missing her daily writings can hopefully hear from her on this blog once in awhile.